Working with year 7 Charlotte on descriptive writing and, following her excellent evocation of a dream-like garden, next session we focused on controlling description and turning the mood from positive to negative. We attempted an Angela Carteresque switch from the present moment to flashback before returning to the action. I've added the final few sentences of Charlotte's Night Garden Part 1 for continuity:
Snow drops swayed in the humid breeze, catching moonbeams in their wake. Early honeysuckle climbed the aged brick wall, filling the air with its sweet nectar scent. I drifted, moon-dazed.
When I was in primary school, I learnt the moon controls the
gravitational pull of the waves; their dip, dive and reverse. I realised how
small I must seem to it. Visions of it enveloping me into its vast white
circumference haunted me, swallowing my tiny, insignificant body.
Which the
garden seemed to now. The darkness was engulfing me, trapping me in its murky
depths. Trees closed in. A vengeful moon slipped beneath the clouds. A single
moonbeam shone down, illuminating my pathway. Instead of being magical, it was
the complete opposite. A strangulated cry escaped my lips and I started to run.
My heart was pounding in my chest as the once delicate grass turned and snagged
my feet. Leaves plummeted, creating a trap for my sore feet. If that didn’t
work, holly leaves littered the path I had once carelessly skipped on, the prickle
that usually irritated now a white hot, stabbing pain in my feet. Crying now I
encountered the next horror of the night.
Charlotte, May 2017
1) Sadly my horticultural knowledge isn't sufficient to be able to comment on the legitimacy of snowdrops and early honeysuckle being in bloom at the same time, but who cares? Great writing, Charlotte!
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